When someone loses a loved one, they will go through a grieving process. During this time, they will receive a lot of condolences and advice from people who want to show that they care. While always well-meaning, some things can come across as offensive to the grieving individual. For this reason, it’s important to choose your words carefully so that you make them feel better rather than worse. 

Here are some things you should try to avoid saying to someone who is mourning, and what you can say to let them know you are there for them. 

DON’T SAY

• “I know how you feel”

Even if you have also experienced a loss, every relationship is different, as well as how we each process grief. The circumstances can also be different. It’s unique to everyone, so it’s a bad idea to try to compare your pain. 

• “You need to be strong”

It’s difficult to be strong when you are faced with a significant trauma. People shouldn’t be encouraged to put on a brave face for the sake of others, but rather to feel their feelings so they can grieve in a healthy way.

• “They are in a better place”

Regardless of where our souls end up, we’d rather have the person who has passed here with us. This phrase can be even more damaging if you don’t share religious beliefs or have the same belief in the afterlife. 

• “Everything happens for a reason”

Not only can this come off as being dismissive of the huge life change they are going through, but it can also suggest that it was meant to happen. No one wants to hear that the passing of a loved one occurred for a reason.

DO SAY

• “I’m sorry for your loss”

It might seem short and simple, but it’s always appropriate to acknowledge what the bereaved are going through – a loss. At 21st Century Funeral Services, we offer grief counselling to policyholders to help them process their feelings. 

• “I am just a phone call away”

People who are grieving don’t always know what the days ahead will look like and when they will want or need support. Saying this lets them know you are there for them whenever they need some help or someone to talk to. 

• “My favourite memory of them was…”

Instead of talking about the heaviness of someone’s passing, which can be very sad, you can retell a happy and memorable story that serves as a reminder about the positive impact the deceased had on others during their lifetime. 

• “I don’t know what to say”

It’s okay not to be able to find the right words when someone has passed away. Nothing anyone says will be of much comfort at this time anyway. Sometimes, just sitting in silence or giving them a hug is all they need to know you care.